story - part 8 - persuasion - 729 words

Lady Calidris has lost her laid back posture and her bored expression. Her fingers are curled tightly around the arm of her chair, there is no longer anything languid about her. I wonder idly at her wild-eyed, shocked and terrified expression for a moment before realizing just how much information I let spill. I join her, settling into a slow shiver and falling back to sit on the edge of her bed. All semblance of anything proper is lost.

Silence. Neither one of us quite knows what to say, to fill the air. I am still trying to find the place where I stopped thinking, and to remember just how much information I spilled to her. Stories I have never told; it makes my fingers ache just to think of it. She seems to be having the same problem. She rubs at her knuckles and finally clears her throat, with a flicker-glance in my direction.

"You are the bastard prince, then?" Far too calm about it. In that tone of voice, it could be light dinner conversation.

"I hate that word." Almost without thinking, I have slipped back into my easy, near-monotone voice. I cannot help but be disappointed by the fact that the fire has gone out of her, that haughty superiority. It is too easy to defeat her, to crush her spirit.

Another ringing silence. She runs fingers through her hair, trying to wrap her mind around the fact that the quiet physician who fades so easily into the background, who they all assume is a simpleton, a commoner, is actually of noble blood. I can watch the gears turn in her mind, I can see her try to figure out some way to use this information to her advantage. She can make it into a game, perhaps.

I am expecting her to humbly apologize, or to begin bargaining. She seems like the type who would ask for favors in exchange for keeping her mouth shut. She should turn this into a game. Instead her face stays sober and serious, something calm and concerned.

"Why was...why would she do that?" Voice quivering with some emotion. I suspect it to be shock, or anger, or disbelief.

The question is a surprise to me, it is something I have never asked before. Somehow, it never bothered me, it never really seemed wrong. Now I turn memories over in my mind, arms folding across my chest as I settle back more comfortably on her bed.

"She is not really a bad person. She cares, in her own way. She just does not know how to show it, since no one ever explained to her." The best answer I can come up with on the fly. Fingers curl into the front of my shirt, inch upward to undo the top buttons, to make it easier to breathe. I feel like I am suffocating in here.

"What about your wings, though? I thought you were going to explain." Slowly regaining some of her confidence. Lady Calidris straightens, leans forward slightly in her chair. I cannot remember ever having such an attentive audience, no one has ever expressed this much personal interest in me. It leaves me flustered, I have to fumble for the words, that apathetic tone does not come as natural.

"Do you really want me to?"

Her response is the slow way she drags herself up to stand, picking her way across the room and settling down onto the bed beside me. There is something strangely familiar about the way her hand settles on my knee, about the curious expression on her face, the way she peers up at me. She is carefully attentive and strangely supportive. It makes me uncomfortable.

"Did she do it?" A goad, as I find myself unable to find somewhere to start, a way to explain. Very gently, I reach down to remove her hand from my knee, to win back some space. I am not a child, and I do not need to be treated like a fragile creature.

"No. Yes. Not then." I am tempted to pull away, to flee from the room and retreat to my own chambers. But I am already this far gone, I am already committed, I have already blown my cover. There is no point in clinging frantically to the rest of my secrets.